Learning From My Experience

I've learned a lot from my experience falling off program. I realize that I have more of a problem than I thought with my emotional eating, and I need to work on getting that under control.

I've been under a lot of stress, not getting enough sleep at night, and just being depressed about all that in general, and I turned to food (really bad food) for comfort. I know it doesn't really help to do that yet I did it anyway. The thing was that from being on the Isagenix program for so long, I didn't even have the cravings or the taste for the things I ate. I forced myself to eat them. I sabotaged myself. I went through a period of not caring. Except that I did care, but that ended up just being a nagging voice in the back of my head ... too quiet to be effective.

Being off program, I truly realized how great I felt being on it. It's a bit difficult to describe, but I had more energy and overall I just felt so good and alive! I'm back to not having much energy, wanting to sleep all the time, and just feeling like crap really. I don't like it, and I want back what I had before with Isagenix.

I know I need to have portion controlled meals otherwise I have a hard time not finishing my plate just because the food is there. Leftovers need to be put away by someone other than myself for a little while at least, and I need to not go for seconds just because there is just a little bit left. Food has always been a weakness of mine. You could probably say it could go as far as being an actual eating disorder, although I have never admitted to that. I'll go into that further in another post because I would like to address the subject of eating disorders further.

I had allowed all of this to be greater than me ... to be greater than my goal and my determination to succeed, and it eventually took over again. No more. I know I have to take steps, and I may have to work on things harder than most people, but I'm up for the challenge. I've learned a lot from my recent experience, and I will go forward from all this.

I'm excited and a little nervous about getting back on program again, but tomorrow is the big day, and I'm not looking back! I'm going to beat this!