Ramble and Mixed Emotions

Well, I'm sitting here sore, tired, and a somewhat depressed. I'm an emotional eater, and rather than go pig out on something and regret it afterwards, I'll post here.

The thing is I don't know why I'm down right now. Maybe it's all the stress I'm under. The stress is not all weight related of course. I do badly want this weight off, and I am seeing results. I can't help but want it to go faster. I realize I didn't get fat overnight, and I most certainly won't lose it all overnight either.

My husband tells me that he can tell that I'm losing weight. Why can I not see it?

I must say that overall I've been feeling so much better. I have more energy and don't feel like I'm a zombie all the time who can never get enough sleep. That was an awful feeling. I've been enjoying my walks and everything. I love my shakes. I get through my one clease day a week with no problem really. I just need to stick to my 1 day a week cleanse because that is what works for me. The 30 day program is my fit.

I guess I just expect too much of myself too soon. Not only wanting the weight to come flying off. I know that's not healthy. I'm just constantly pushing myself, and I need to calm down or I will get burnt-out. I kinda didn't feel in the mood to walk tonight, but I went anyway and walked about 3 miles or so. I walk a mile in about 20 mins. Which, I know I can do better than that because I have before. Granted that was years ago but still lol.

It's just the type of person I am. I am very hard on myself. I am definitely my worst critic. I'm so determined though. I can't quit because I've quit too much in my life when challenges came around, and that is not an option for me. I slip up at times, but I have to keep going. I will prove to myself that I can do it.

My 10 year high school class reunion will be next year. I want the weight off by then and to look great. I'm on my way, I know that. I definitely am making progress. I'm just so impatient.

It's all been worth it though so far. As I said I've been feeling much better, and I'm so thankful for this program. I get choked up when I think about it because I've finally found something that works for me. The program isn't really hard, but I do have my own challenges to face that only I can overcome. I've found support though, and that helps.

Well, I feel better now that I kinda vented here. Still a bit sore from my walk, and I'm still tired lol, but overall I'm glad to be keeping this journal. Being as if it's public I guess I feel sometimes that I need to keep some things to myself, but I'm human. I'm not positive all the time. I have short-comings. I get depressed and discouraged too.

Anyway, so that's that ... glad I vented because it seems rather therapeutic. Ramble session over lol.